Roger Clemens has sex with duckbilled platypi

Roger Clemens likes to have sex with women other than his wife. He also likes to have sex with the ex-wives of 120proof's favorite athletes. And now, in a report that we completely made up and carries no truth whatsoever, he likes to have sex with duckbilled platypi. "It's something about that marsupial pouch," sources close to the former pitcher never said.

For crying out loud. The Atlanta Hawks are on the verge of historic upset over the Celtics in the NBA playoffs. The Tampa Bay Rays, long one of the worst teams in baseball and a perennial laughing stock, sit atop the AL East in front of the Red Sox AND the Yankees. Somewhere Chuck Lamar is smiling. Nate McLouth, still toiling in obscurity as a Pirate, might be baseball's best all-around player whose name doesn't start with "A" and end in "lex Rodriguez." New York Rangers forward Sean Avery played an entire hockey game while internally HEMMORHAGING! Big Brown won a scintillating Kentucky Derby, which was sadly marred by the forced euthanizing of Eight Belles, the filly who broke both of her front legs in the home stretch of the race. But no. It's who and what Roger Clemens likes to screw that has the headlines. When did the world of sports turn into TMZ? We do have one question for Mr. Clemens though? Paulette Daly? Seriously? Doesn't the fact that she has shared the bed with John Daly make her lose a little bit of appeal? I don't care how hot she is, having banged J.D. is a deal breaker.

MVPeeing: Reports that Kobe Bryant has won the NBA's MVP award have been confirmed. We pee on such rediculousness. Is he the best player in the league? Sure. Would the Lakers still have made the playoffs without him? Absolutely, if you assume Pau Gasol still comes aboard. You can't say the same for Chris Paul, LeBron James, and for that matter, Dikembe Motumbo. But I digress. This is an argument I will never win.

Homer Corner: 120Proof has won a bet. This is no small feat, mind you. Usually, 120 only wins a bet when it's between Todd and myself, therefore leaving few alternatives, although we've had several ties. A second half brace from Antonio Valencia gave Wigan Athletic an impressive 2-0 away win at Aston Villa and assured the Lancashire club safety and another season in top flight English soccer. Chances are, if you read this site, you have no idea what the hell that means, so I'll cut to the meat and potatoes. 120 bet Paul the UPS driver that tiny Wigan would survive for another year and he immediately jumped at the chance. Well, he's five...uh...credits lighter for it. Booyah. Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof.