Flying Pigs

We've all heard the statement, "When pigs fly," as sort of a sardonic response to someone suggesting an unlikely event may occur. Out here in sunny Southern Cali, that statement has been replaced with, "When Mitch Kupchak makes a shrewd front office move." Well, it looks like we might have to retire that statement. The formerly embattled Laker GM has slowly won over some of the L.A. faithful with the realization that not trading the emerging Andrew Bynum for Jason Kidd was actually the right call. If the reports on espn.com and Yahoo! that the Lakers have acquired Pau Gasol from the Grizzlies for Kwame "Stone Hands" Brown, talented rookie Javaris Crittendon, a couple of picks, a pack of Marlboro Mediums, and some quarters for the Adams Family pinball machine are true, Kupchak will immediately be elevated to Stephen Hawking status. See, basketball fans have short memories, and purple and gold supporters will be happy to forget the bungling ineptness of the past few years for a chance at a title now. I have to admit, I did splooge a little at the thought of a Bynum, Gasol, Lamar Odom, Kobe Bryant, and Derek Fisher starting lineup. I can't wait for Kobe's comments on this.

Moving on, how bad does your life suck when a 92-year-old blind dude is a better golfer than you? Seriously, there are plenty of things a 92-year-old blind dude could own me at. For example, a fill-your-colostomy bag race, canasta, and number of friends named Vern. But golf? While staring at an empty glass this morning, trying to think of reasons other than porn and ranch-flavored Doritos to keep on trucking, I stumbled onto the story of good old Leo Fiyalko. Thanks, Leo. I needed to feel worse about life.

Who knew? Chris Berman has a potty mouth! This is apparently from a 2000 Monday Night Football pre-game or something. But I only just saw it. That reminds me of the time my parents were filming my sixth birthday party. GOD DAMN IT! I'M TRYING TO BLOW OUT SOME F***ING CANDLES HERE! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CONCENTRATE WITH 8 F***ING PEOPLE SINGING IN MY EAR AND DANCING AROUND. CAN I GET SOME GOD DAMN QUIET HERE? SIX F***ING CANDLES! HOW BIG DO YOU THINK MY LUNGS ARE? I GOT UNCLE STEVE BACK THERE ACTING LIKE AN ASS. HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER BEEN ON A CAMCORDER BEFORE? GOD DAMN IT!

Thanks for having a shot of 120Proof.