O (den) Faces

Rumor has it, the phones in the Portland Trailblazers' front office haven't stopped ringing. Apparently, the team has been offered quite the lot of star players in exchange for their first overall pick in the upcoming NBA draft, all but certain to be used on Ohio State center Greg Oden. No one specific has been publically mentioned, which begs the question, who WOULD Portland consider accepting in a trade for the pick?

Believe it or not, this is actual analysis, conducting using a complicated, top secret algorithm. This isn't one of those things from the video game NHL '94, where you would trade your entire roster to get a team of Mario Lemieux, Mike Gartner, Pavel Bure, Al MacInnis, Ray Borque, and Grant Fuhr, and then turn off line changes and kill every opponent 15-0. Nope, this is real, hardcore analysis. Just ask what's left of Mr. Beam's bottle.

Oh yeah, one other thing. Because pretty much every team in the league which doesn't rhyme with "Schmobcats" is over the cap, most of these guys wouldn't work in a straight up deal for a draft pick. Assume Portland would be shipping back expiring contracts and/or Zach Randolph to make the salaries match up.

The Guy: D-Wade
TTG: Tough call but I'd say no. Wade is one of the game's premier talents but he gets hurt a lot with his total-disregard-for-well-being style of play. Then again, he fits in well with Portland's new nice-guy image.
TL: A few years from now when Wade perfects his jumper, this might look ridiculous. But right now I'd have to agree. I'll take a blue chip big man over a blue chip wing.

The Guy: Carmelo Anthony
TTG: This is a tough call because Anthony has so much untapped potential. Would you trade a young Moses Malone for Anthony? As it stands now, hell no. If Anthony develops his game to be in the same echelon as Kobe and Lebron, you'd have to. He just ain't there yet.
TL: Anthony is a clutch shooter and talented scorer, but he's shown that he lacks a degree of maturity that D-Wade and LeBron have shown. When a game isn't going his way, sometimes he just takes himself right out of it. I'm not sure he's a natural leader. So, despite the fact that SF is a weak position for the Blazers, I'm gonna have to say no.

The Guy: Steve Nash
TTG: Open Pandora's box, why don't you. Nash is the best point guard since Magic and John Stockton graced the hardwood. He's getting up in age, and his back is always an issue, but short of Kobe Bryant or Lebron James, there is no player I'd rather have. I say yes.
TL: If you're trading a #1 pick for a 34 year old Steve Nash, you'd better be in a position where you just need that one last piece to win championships right now. Steve might make the Blazers a playoff team, but not a contender. This is a terrible trade for them, and I don't think Steve would be very happy about it either.

The Guy: Amare Stoudemire
TTG: Not a chance. With all of his talent, Stoudamire is a bit of a headcase with a massive ego, not to mention microfracture repaired knees. Phoenix would take, far less than Oden or Durant for him.
TL: Well, I respectfully disagree that Stoudemire is a headcase; he might not be the most educated cat around, but his head seems to be properly attached I anticipate Phoenix moving Marion this summer and continues to build around Amare. Now, from the Portland standpoint, both Stoudemire and Oden are fast, agile centers. Would you rather pay $14mil per year for a guy who has had microfracture surgery, or $4 mil a year for a guy who has not?

The Guy: Tim Duncan
TTG: Would I turn down a drink? Exactly. Duncan, for all his championships, excellence, and Dungeons and Dragons playing, is on the decline. Plus, his bug-eyed, whiny protests would look out of place in anything but a San Antonio uniform.
TL: Trading a relative unknown for the most dominant player in the last 20 years? Sign me up! The funny thing is, I don't see why San Antonio wouldn't make this offer. They're going to beat the Cavs in the Finals, but then what? They're an aging team and this trade would give them another 12-15 year lease on life as a dominant team, while Portland would dramatically improve overnight. Keeping an old core together without taking any risks is a long-term recipe for mediocrity, just ask the Miami Heat.

The Guy: Kevin Garnett
TTG: This makes too much sense to do. Portland could play a three headed monster up front with Zach Randolph, Lamarcus Aldridge, and Garnett. Oden would be the start of a much needed rebuilding movement for Minnesota. Garnett turns Portland into a contender overnight. The only problem is, it's way too smart of a move for at least half of the front offices involved. ::cough cough Kevin McHale cough::
TL: Ignoring the salary cap ramifications of acquiring Garnett for a moment, I'd agree. Realistically though, in any of the trades we're discussing today, Portland would have to find a taker for Randolph. Sadly, Raef LaFrentz and Darius Miles are still on Portland's books for a total of $20mil per year. Lastly, a season or two ago, I'd say trade for Garnett anyways, but right now you'd be trading the best center prospect in years for the twilight years of Garnett's career. So, this is a tough one, but I'm going to have to pass.

The Guy: T-Mac
TTG: Oh man. McGrady is a bona fide superstar with leadership qualities. For a big time scorer, he's remarkably unselfish, and you can't find a person in Houston who doesn't love him. Problem is, he's a little injury prone and needs a big-time center to be at his best. So if Portland traded Oden for him, it's solving one problem and recreating one you just solved simultaneously. I'll keep Oden, but only by a nose.
TL: Well, everybody is at their best when they have a dominant center on their team; just ask Kobe. But yeah, despite all of T-Mac's admirable qualities and talents, if I'm Portland, Tracy's injury history scares me out of this one.

The Guy: Chris Bosh
TTG: One of the best players in the league, you only don't know much about him because he plays in Toronto, which is somewhere in Sweden, I think. Still, it's easier to find a good power forward than a dominant center. I keep the pick.
TL: The African American Dirk Nowitzki From Texas Who Plays In Canadia, eh? Only in the NBA. Bosh is just good enough that I want to pull the trigger here, but since Portland is pretty well set at PF, I'll channel Sam Cassell and say "Naw, man!"

The Guy: Kobe Bryant
TTG: The Laker fan in me says, "Give him away. I don't care, just get him the hell out of here." Being impartial, Bryant is still the best individual player in basketball right now. If I'm Portland, I jump at this opportunity, but realisitcally, they'd have to give up LaMarcus Aldridge too.
TL: What's the point of discussing this, anyhow? Kobe has a trade veto power, and there's no way he'd play in Portland, despite the fact that he'd get a nice upgrade in supporting cast.

The Guy: Dwight Howard
TTG: Maybe if Orlando included every first round pick they get for the next decade, a pre-ankle problems Grant Hill, and a pack of Camel Wides. Howard is a terrific athlete, great rebounder, and a nice kid but straight up for Oden? You gotta be kidding me.
TL: Yeah, I think Dwight’s stock dipped a bit this year. His ability to finish isn’t developing quite as quickly as expected. He’s the nicest guy in the world, but nice doesn’t win championships. Pass.

The Guy: Dirk Nowitzki
TTG: No thanks. He's a great scorer, but lacks toughness. If he led the Mavs past City and into a conference championship, maybe it would warrant some thought. But not now.
TL: I’ve been heralding Dirk as a choke artist longer than anybody. And just when my doubters were ready to prove me wrong, Dirk went ahead and vindicated me in that series. So yeah, let’s pass on him too.
TTG: How can you "herald" someone a choke artist?
TL: The same way I'm now "heralding" you an asshole.
TTG: I see. So I can "herald" you a douchebag?
TL: ::sighing:: Can we get back to the issue at hand?
TTG: Fine... douchebag.

The Guy: Yao Ming
TTG: In the blink of an eye. Yao is probably the most dominant player in the league right now. He can score, defend, rebound, and he hasn't raped anyone so his marketability is unparalleled also.
TL: Yao has finally learned to channel his angry side. He’s asserting himself and even talking some smack. Good. The foot problems scare me, and centers don’t age very gracefully, so I’m really on the fence on this one. Portland would have to think long and hard about this one.

The Guy: LeBron James
TTG: I'd have to. Against Detroit, LeBron went from talented physical freak of nature to dominant player. It isn't always pretty but if he sets his mind to scoring, he's unstoppable.
TL: Agreed. LeBron is the one guy Portland would absolutely HAVE to trade the pick for. Despite his shoddy long range jumper, he’s already entered “Best Player in the L” candidacy. And at 22, I’d say he’s already surpassed Kobe in the leadership department as well. Unfortunately, James is the definition of untouchable right now.

Conclusion: It's a good thing you can't slur typing. But anyway, we've basically determined that unless you're one of the top two or three players in the league right now, you're not worth Greg Oden. Is that fair? Probably not. So why not trade him? Because there's that chance. That one in ten chance. Maybe one in a hundred. Maybe.... one in a Sam Bowie over MJ. Maybe. Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof.