Stranger than Fiction

By now, you all know about it. The Atlanta Hawks scorekeepers cheated, effectively costing the Toronto Raptors a chance to win the game. Except nobody is saying it. The NBA is very carefully calling it an error. The Toronto Raptors are taking the high road, saying that the mistake is infuriating but not going any farther. The Hawks are apologizing, although it's pretty transparent that they're more sorry that the creative scorekeeping was discovered than they are about it. Anyway, the brilliant minds of 120 Proof would like to make a couple of points here as well.

Point #1: The NBA said they were doing an investigation.

Our Take: The NBA "investigating" something is a lot like a blind detective dusting for fingerprints. Very little in the way of results and very much in the way of tripping all over stuff.

Point #2: Nobody got fined.

Our Take: Okay. Blatant cheating by referees is a part of the game. Some do a good enough job to appear impartial but a great majority have biases against certain players and certain teams, and they don't do a very good job of hiding it. But when a scorekeeper cheats, that's a whole new bag of chips.

Point #3: Yes. It was cheating.

Our Take: Mistakes happen. But not in the fourth quarter of a close game. And if you happened to see the fourth quarter, there were already a couple of errors made earlier on a layup, a foul shot, and an erroneous looking 3 points for a 2 point shot that wasn't really erroneous. If you're confused, good. Those things were fixed, or they might have been. Who knows. But it's shady. Mistakes aren't shady. Therefore, by transitive property, the Hawks scorekeeper cheated.

Sidenote: 120 is not accusing Hawks ownership and management of cheating. We believe that the scorekeeper acted out of desperation on his own accord when he realized his team might lose to the Raptors.

Point #4: Someone noticed.

Our Take: These days, watching the NBA is kind of like listening to the Killers second album. You knew they used to be good, and you should really be doing something better with your time, but it still beats the Martina McBride album your girlfriend tortures you with on a nightly basis. But who the hell would actually watch a game between Toronto and Atlanta? I didn't even know Toronto still had a team. And watching the Hawks resembles a lot of Barnum and Bailey, except for the fact the B & B circus is actually intended.

Lastly: This was it. The one shining beacon of an opportunity to displace David Stern as commissioner. There was blatant cheating. He did nothing about it, in effect, condoning it. You would hope that this incident would expose that spineless moron. Well, at least we would. Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof.

The real turkeys...

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Well, everyone except for the NFL. They haven't gotten it right all season with Monday Night Football, and now they've gone and screwed up Thanksgiving too. I want Dallas and Washington. Or Green Bay and Minnesota. Broncos and Raiders. Or, speaking of the Raiders, how about them and New England. Does anyone really give a crap about Detroit and Mifreakingami? Dallas and Tampa? Denver, I can see people getting interested in, but against Kansas effin City? Come on, already.

Firsts: In my opinion, the NBA had its first meaningful game the other night. Lakers and Clippers. In a league where real rivalries are few and far between, to the point where everyone still makes a deal out of it when Shaq and Kobe square off, the Hallway Series is turning out to be a breath of fresh air to a very stale basement of a league. Oh, and Todd? If the bet is still on the table, same terms and everything, I'll take it. 20...uh...credits.

Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof, and have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Ow

Did anyone hear that thud? The one that sounds like thunder echoing through the Grand Canyon? That was the sound of the Philadelphia Eagles Superbowl dreams crashing to the Earth mere milliseconds after quarterback Daunte Culpepper's ACL snapped like a twig. He's done for the year and so are they. Sure, Jeff Garcia, a former pro-bowler and a dedicated competitor, will probably grind out a few wins for them. But who are we kidding? They've got as much of a chance to win now as a Kevin Federline album cracking the Billboard top 100. I'm not good at math but...

Speaking of music: The Utah Jazz have spent the first ten games of the NBA season giving their opponents the blues. 9-1? Are you effin' kidding me? Then again, yours truly did predict a playoff spot for them before the season started. At the risk of sounding repetitive, redundant, and saying the same thing more than once, the front court of Kirilenko, Boozer, and Okur is about as good as it gets.

Erase the "un": The Indianapolis Colts can officially change their MySpace status to "defeated". That's not really the big news, though. Yeah, they were the last unbeaten team... but they shouldn't even be in the top 3 when teams like Denver, Chicago, San Diego, Baltimore, and the Patriots are clearly more ready for the tough competition of the playoffs. The big deal is Tony Romo. Any doubts about him being the real thing should be ancient history after he recovered from a first half fumble and an interception to lead a spirited 2nd half comeback... in his first home start.

Case of the Mondays: When is the NFL going to catch on? Jacksonville and the Giants? Not exactly a marquis matchup for a Monday Night Football game, is it? Sure, they were both expected to be decent this year until injuries really hit. The question arises, how come the NFL isn't more flexible with its scheduling? Let's say for example the Cleveland Browns came out and just started mowing everyone this season to the tune of a 8-2 record. Let's say that Charlie Frye turned out to be what Michael Vick never will; A mobile quarterback with an accurate throwing arm. Sure you laugh. Keep in mind the St. Louis Rams won the Superbowl in 1999 after going 3-13 the previous season. I could look at the nfl schedule for yesterday and point out ten games I would much rather see than New York and Jacksonville. They're not even in the same conference, for Christ's sake.

La Dumbian?: Who learned LaDanian Thomlinson to talk English? Does anyone else find it a shame that the league's best and most electrifying player either can't or chooses not to string anything even resembling a coherent, gramatically correct sentence together? I won't dignify it with a link, but if you're curious enough, you'll find his ESPN conversation on the net somewhere. Scarily dumb sounding...

Diamonds and Duds: The Cubbies have won the Soriano Sweepstakes, signing the infielder/outfielder to an 8 year contract worth nearly 140 million. No doubt, Alfonso Soriano is a fantastic player. But when are people going to learn? Defense and pitching wins championships. Just ask A-Rod and the Yankees. I can see the hate mail already...

Finishing Touches: Two reasons I like this clip. One, Todd is a Bulls fan. Two, he hates Smush Parker. Ok, three reasons. Ben Wallace, killer of the Lakers in the finals a few years ago, gets posterized. Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof. I'm off to have a 120 shots of something slightly less in proof.

How depressing...

It's a sad day for drinkers everywhere. Vin "and tonic" Baker has been waived by the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Our Take: If you read between the lines, there's a couple of hidden gems in this story. Not sure which is funnier; The fact that the Associated Press made a point of including in it's article that Baker's release was not due to an alcohol related incident, or the fact that the T-Wolves felt it necessary to emphasize that point enough for the AP to note it. Although on a smaller scale, the Vin Baker saga is kind of like the Mike Tyson syndrome. They used to be at the top of their games, but now people really only pay attention to them for the inevitable and often theatrical collapse that awaits them.

Speaking of blowups: Some of the greatest in history have been by former Indiana University and current Texas Tech basketball coach Bobby Knight. Just when you thought it would get good, his latest on-camera incident involving one of his players turned out to be harmless. I think I speak for all of us when I say @#$%! During a timeout, Knight lifted the chin of one of his players to look him in the eye. Given Knights history of chair winging, player choking, and press conference vulgarity, everyone was quick to get our hopes up by leading us to believe that the "chin raise" was indeed a Mike Tyson in his prime uppercut. But no.

I'm sure he gets enough head: Yet, the baseball media continues to salivate over how awesome Daisuke Matsuzaka is. I, for one, remain skeptical. However, if his semi-mythical gyroball, the laws-of-physics defying pitch that supposedly breaks multiple directions, is for real, he might be fun to watch. The real news here is that the Boston Red Sox appear to be the front-runners to land his services. Somewhere, George Steinbrenner is not happy. The Boss has been known to rediculously overpay for mediocre talent just so the Bo-Sox don't get it. That, and he clubs baby seals. Well, not really... but doesn't he have that kind of baby seal clubbing personality? Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof.

The alarm has sounded

Who has heard it and who hasn't?

The Chicago Bears: Apparently, they haven't. To the folks at espn.com, this weekend's loss to the lowly Miami Dolphins is no reason for the NFC leaders to panic. To anyone with a brain, it should be loud and clear NOW, what should have been loud and clear a couple of weeks ago when they narrowly escaped defeat at the hands of a pathetic Arizona Cardinals team. This team is overrated and quite beatable. They refuse to commit to the run despite having a very good back in Thomas Jones. And Rex Grossman refuses to be prudent when under pressure. Couple that with the fact that his ineptitude against miserable teams has singlehandedly cost me 2 matches in fantasy football. Not too mention how much he has driven me to drink. Then again, that may or may not have been a pre-existing condition...

Jacksonville Jaguars: In with David Garrard, out with Byron Leftwich? Let's see, Gerrard is mobile, accurate, and doesn't turn the ball over. Leftwich is slow, erratic, and interception prone. At 120, we've been trumpeting this since last season. It's time for the NFL's best backup quarterback to become one of it's great young starters. And for crying out loud, for the sake of my fantasy team, give Mauric Jones-Drew the darn ball. See previous remarks about being driven to drink.

The NFL: If it isn't the Bears, who is the team to beat? Colts? Nah. They always fold in the playoffs. The Ravens? Hah! Nevermore! (get it?) In case you didn't read our NFL power rankings a couple of weeks back, and judging by our fan base you haven't, it's the Denver Broncos. In case you haven't noticed, they've started to score. And Jake Plummer has stopped mistaking the opposition's defensive backs for his own receivers.

Are we really writing about women's tennis?: Yup. We are. There's a bit of controversy on the womens' pro tennis tour about male models being used as ball boys in an upcoming tournament. A couple of the women, notably Elena Dementieva, have said that they hope the models focus on doing their jobs and not just looking pretty. In fairness, top players Martina Hingis and world number one Justine Henin-Hardenne have both said that they look forward to having some eye-candy between points. The WTA decided to use the models after public outcry about female models being used as ball girls in a mens tourney. That still leaves us with a question. For something to qualify as public outcry, doesn't someone actually have to give a crap? And if you ask us, Maria Sharapova and few others notwithstanding, there isn't exactly a glut of hotties gracing the womens' tennis circuit right now. Be it guys or girls, if the tennis powers that be care at all about their TV ratings they might want to consider putting some eye candy on the court for the VIEWERS, be it ball girls/boys or otherwise.

Hoops: The Lakers and Jazz, both expected to be near the bottom of the Western Conference, have combined to lose exactly one game. That's exactly one game less than expected powerhouses Dallas, Phoenix, and Miami have combined to win so far. Not to say we called it but.... well, whether we did or not we're taking credit for it.

Speaking of: Torsten and I are GMing a fantasy basketball team in the basketbawful league. Stay tuned for updates on how pathetically miserable we expect to do. Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof.

Going.....going......gone

Yup. McBain's ability to distinguish between delusion and reality. With that in mind, here are his power rankings. I will say one thing. Or two. Either way, I will make a concession on 120's power rankings from a couple weeks ago. The Cowboys have filled a huge hole at quarterback by benching Drew Bledsoe and replacing him with the guy whose name sounds dangerously close to a slur against homosexuals. Oh, and Ryan? Are the Colts really the NFL's worst undefeated team ever? Peyton shredded the NFL's best defense, and yes that includes Chicago and Baltimore, to the tune of 4 touchdown passes against the Broncos. So their defense blows. So what.

Shit or get off the pot: Roger Clemens, fine. When you're a first ballot Cooperstown lock, you can get away with annually bamboozling the incipid media into believing you might actually retire. When you're Andy Petitte, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Houston's crafty left-hander (and incidentally Clemens' closest friend) recently told espn.com that he was burned out and wasn't sure if he wanted to come back. Yeah, it must be rough to be in your early thirties, making umpteen million dollars a year to play a game for six months, and be fairly good at it to boot. I just decided, I might actually have to punch Andy Petitte. Hard. In the nuts.

Speaking of Nuts: Can anyone else not stand to wait any longer to see how Reggie Evans gets treated by Clipper fans the first time the Nuggets come to L.A.? I'll be the first person to tell you, basketball ranks last with me in terms of enjoyment when it comes to the four major sports. And soccer. And tennis. And womens curling. But it might just surpass synchronized swimming with a few more storylines like this.

Quotebook: ...they performed a basketball exorcism over the past two summers, building the team around likable young players (Brandon Roy, Martell Webster, Jarrett Jack, LaMarcus Aldridge) and nonthreatening white guys...

--Bill Simmons on the Portland Trail Blazers trying to remake their roster and image in one fell swoop.

I gotta say, I might be coming around on this guy. Anyone who can sneak an ethnically questionable remark into an astute observation and not get fired is okay with me.

Lernerism of the week: Not sure if I should be giving credit to Todd on this, or if he stole from basketbawful or another one of our favorite fellow blogs. But imagining Tyrus Thomas looking like Owen Wilson after getting his nose broken courtesy of a James Posey elbow made me giggle maniacally. My work colleagues now question the extent of my sanity.

Somewhere: You know that somewhere out there, some moron who picked Sage Rosenfels in his office fantasy football league just because he liked the name has bragging rights for 54 years even if he never wins another matchup. And no, that was not a veiled pat on my own back. Negative 4.3 points thanks to Jake Delhomme for yours truly. It's a good thing I...had...Travis...Hen.... oh, screw all of you.

Homer moment: I'm allowed one of these per article. But I'm certain I'm not the only Angelino who treated last night's Laker win over Phoenix with a bit of wistfulness. I couldn't help but feel that a virtuoso performance by Lamar Odom, and workmanlike contributions from Andrew Bynum, Maurice Evans, and Smush Parker came six months and one single, solitary game too late. Que sera sera. Doesn't look the same without the accent over the a, does it? Thanks for having a shot of 120 Proof.